Hey guys :)  Here's my newest fic, a little story from Diane Evans' POV that
is kinda spoiler based.  You have been warned, LMK what you think.

Eden

Title: Suffer The Little Children
Author: Eden
Email: eshadlow@tpg.com.au
Category: Other
Author's Notes: This is kinda spoiler based, so you've been warned.  It's
told from Diane Evans' POV.  WARNING: Sap fest ahead!!!
Dedications: To my chem. teacher for making a test so easy that I had ¾ of
the class free to write this!
Feedback: *Zziipppp!* <Eden dons fire-retardant suit> I'd love to hear
thoughts on this, bad or good.  I'm prepared for anything!

***************

Sitting here, watching them as they play together on the back lawn is almost
like watching a dream come true.  Getting to see them grow up from infants
upwards is just a gift to me, one that I never got to experience with my own
children.  It's a gift that I will always cherish and resent in equal parts.
Cherish, because of the joy and happiness that these two little miracles
bring to our lives every day; and resent because their arrival in this world
was what caused the disappearance of my own children.

As a child, I always wanted a big family, but for the longest time I never
thought it would happen.  For many years Phillip and I had tried with no
success, until he thought and feared I would go mad with the depression that
each padding month bought me.  We saw an endless parade of doctors but all
of them said the same thing; we would never have children of our own.  And I
believed them, until the night someone left two angels on the side to become
my babies.

But now those babies are gone, along with the other children I learned to
love.  But they have left me a precious gift to care for.  They've given me
the chance to do what I never could with them.  Like wake up at 3am to
soothe a crying infant; to revel in the joy of watching their first wobbly
baby steps; a chance to deal with teething and diapers and all those things
I never did with Max and Isabel.  A chance to be a Mommy all over again.

Still, even with these two little miracles to care for, I can't help but
miss my children daily.  I wonder if they are safe, and if they are well and
if they are happy.  Or if they are even alive.  Sometimes, in my dreams, I
swear I can see them and feel them.  But when the morning comes I can never
remember my dreams well enough to tell if they are real, or if they are just
fueled by a mothers hope.  So I take comfort in their babies, my
grandchildren, and I hope that one day they will come back to us.

Phillip too has adapted to our new lives and our new children.  He takes
great pleasure in playing games with them, and taking them places, and
reading with them at night.  I think his reasons for his extreme enthusiasm
are partly selfish.  He is using his love for our grandchildren to try and
cover up the extreme hurt he has in his heart.  Hurt caused by our own
children.

Right now, he's pushing them both on the swings he installed in our backyard
when we first moved here.  They both call him Dadda, something we've never
tried to prevent or correct.  It's just easier to let them think that they
are brother and sister, and that we are their parents.  Some day, when they
are older and more able to understand, we will explain to them about who
they are, and why they are so special.  But for the time being, there are
many secrets that are better left untold.  It's just easier to live the lie.

As I watch them rise and fall in the air, I'm amazed as always at just how
much they resemble Max and Isabel.  Especially Kaitlyn.  With her mother's
mane of tangled, blonde ringlets and her fathers dark and soulful eyes, she
is the spitting image almost of Isabel.  Or rather, as I imagine Isabel
would have looked at the age of 4.  The resemblance is sometimes uncanny,
but then again, Tess and Isabel always did look similar in their features.
But while Kaity looks like her mother, she managed to inherit Max's serene,
inquisitive nature.  Something that I fear will cause us some grief in years
to come, when she realizes that our family has a whole history of secrets
and lies.

Although he is a month older, Darcy is definitely the baby of the pair.
With his soft brown hair and deep eyes it's obvious that he is Michael's
son, but underneath the exterior he definitely has Isabel's nature.  He
craves love and stability, and doesn't like to be separated from either
Phillip or I for very long.  I hope he grows out of this clinginess in time
to start kindergarten in the fall.  After all, he is going to turn 5 in
August.

In actual fact, Darcy was born in June.  But Phillip and I have always
treated the day that Max, Isabel, Michael and Tess left us as our
grandchildren's birthday.  The day 6 weeks after Darcy was born and only 3
days after Kaitlyn.  I still remember the day so vividly; an event like that
is not easily forgotten.  Not that the months leading up to it weren't
memorable too, because they certainly were.  I have so many memories of that
period in our lives.

The day that we first discovered our children's special and potential deadly
secret; the day we packed up and left Roswell behind, taking all 4 teens
with us for their own safety; the day I held my daughters hand as she
struggled and pushed and persevered to bring her child into the world; the
day I helped my surrogate daughter do the same; the moment I realized our
life would never be the same.

But despite all these turbulent events in our lives, the memory of my two
babies clinging to me and begging me to take care of their babies is one
that stands out the most.  It's the one I will never forget.

They left in the middle of the night, hidden under a veil of darkness and
secrecy.  Things were dangerous for all of them, especially now that the
children had been born.  There was no reason for him to leave them alone
now.  The man Tess had trusted like a father for almost all her life had
turned out to be a killer, and he had his sights set on the four of them.
He was being helped, they feared, by the friends they had left behind.
Friends who were bitter and naive and didn't fully understand the
complications of their actions.

I'll never forget the look of fear and desperation in Isabel's eyes as she
clung to me that night, She was worried for her son, worried for Max and
Michael and Tess, and worried for us.  She cried in my arms like she used to
when she was young, Darcy squished awkwardly between us, and she apologized
again and again for what was happening.  I did my best not to cry myself,
and to assure her that everything would work out ok.  I don't think I
sounded very sure of myself.  How was I to know what the future held for any
of us?

I remember seeing Tess out of the corner of my eye, looking so frail and
tiny, still showing the incredible toll that Kaity's birth had taken on her
body.  I took her in my arms too, and let her cry and cry.  She confessed to
the same things as Isabel, and apologized not only for what was happening,
but also for coming into our lives at all.  I told her not to be so foolish,
that none of this was her fault, that it was just the way it was meant to
be.  And I told her that no matter what, she always had a place in our lives
and hearts.

Saying goodbye to Max and Michael was harder in a way.  Being men, they
refused to show their emotions the same way Isabel and Tess were.  Instead
they chose to just hug me tight, and swear to care for each other and for
the girls.  Max looked distressed when he saw the tears in my eyes, and
dried them with just a wave of his hand.

"Not in front of Tess, please.  She won't handle it, not now."

I nodded silently and discretely dabbed at my face with a tissue.  I looked
over to where Phillip was hugging Isabel, his own eyes red and threatening
to spill over with tears.  He reached out a hand, and pulled Tess and
Kaitlyn into his embrace, kissing both of the girls on the tops of their
blonde heads.

The saddest and most vivid part of my memories of that night was watching as
my children said goodbye to their children.  Tess took it the hardest,
mostly due to the onset of post-natal depression, but Isabel was just as
hysterical.  She and Michael has spent 6 weeks bonding with their son, only
to have to give him away now.  I watched intently as the two placed their
hands together on Darcy's little head, fingers intertwined.  There was a
flash of light that caused me to blink rapidly.  When my vision cleared I
saw a glow radiating from their hands as they both stared intently at their
son.  A glance at Max and Tess showed them to be doing the same thing with
Kaitlyn.

I stepped backwards from them, unintentionally startled.  I felt Phillip
place his hands on my shoulders to steady me and I was grateful for his
presence.  Together we watched as they implanted 17 years worth of love and
memories into the minds of their children.  Things for them to recollect and
discover in years to come.

Finally, the time came for them to leave.  Isabel and Michael came to us
first, and handed Darcy over to Phillip in almost complete silence.  He
began to fidget and whimper a little, and Isabel reached out a hand to his
head, calming him instantly.  "Shhh, it's ok." She cooed softly before
stepping away, the tears falling rapidly down her cheeks.  Michael leaned
down and kissed his son's head, whispering something I didn't hear, before
stepping back and engulfing Isabel into a hug.  Together they walked in the
direction of the front door, Isabel crying heavily.

Max and Tess came to me then, and Tess reluctantly placed Kaity in my arms,
her tears rapidly approaching the point of hysteria.  She kissed the top of
the baby's head 3 or 4 times, each time lingering a little more.  Max placed
a hand on her arm to let her know it was time to go, and she broke down.
Her knees buckled and Max moved quickly to catch her.  She collapsed into
his arms and began to sob; muttering that it was all too hard, and all
unfair.  Max placed his hand on the back of her neck as a sign of comfort,
something I had done to him as a child.  He kissed the fingertips of his one
free hand and placed them gently on Kaitlyn's nose.  Our eyes met and he
begged me silently to take care of his child.  I attempted to smile at him
through my tears, but settled for nodding instead.

We walked silently to where Phillip's old sedan was parked outside the
house.  Max helped Tess settle into the backseat as Michael got in and
started the engine.  Isabel and Max stood before us in the driveway, none of
knowing what to say.  Finally, we stepped forward and hugged them both
despite the bundles in our arms.

"You will always be my babies, no matter what happens.  And I will always
love you." I told them.  Max and Isabel nodded and hugged me tightly back.

"We'll be back one day, remember that."  Max told me, trying his best to
sound convincing.  I pulled back from them and we all began to wipe noses
and eyes.

"We love you both so much," Isabel told me.  "I don't know where to begin to
thank you for everything you've done."

I smiled at her.  "No, I get to thank you.  For giving me a chance to live
my dreams.  Twice."  Another quick hug and they had to go.

We watched as the car pulled smoothly away from the curb and drove off down
the street.  There was no noise to be heard, except for the soft hum of the
engine, and the sound of Kaitlyn beginning to cry.  We watched until they
were nothing more than a speck in the distance, and then turned back to the
house to start our new lives.

That look I saw in my children's eyes that day has stayed with me ever
since.  And sometimes, when I look into the eyes of Kaity and Darcy, I fear
I can see it there too.  I fear that I will lose them one day, the same was
I lost Max and Isabel.  So I cling to them in the same way they cling to me,
and I hold my breath every time I look at them and see something unfamiliar
in their eyes.

***************

"She turned off the light, and closed the door.  And that's all there is,
there isn't any more." I close the battered copy of Madeline and smooth
Kaity's covers down on her bed.  "All done sweetie."  It's almost her and
Darcy's bedtime, and Phillip and I are completing the nightly ritual of
reading time.  Over on the other side of the room, the two 'men' are just
finishing up the closing lines of Animalia, Darcy's favorite book.

"Within the pages of this book/You may discover if you look/Beyond the spell
of written words/A hidden land of bees and birds.  For many things are 'of a
kind'/And those with keenest eyes will find/A thousand things, or maybe
more - It's up to you to keep the score..."

"I would love to live in a place like Animalia." Darcy says wistfully.

"Really?  Well, maybe that can be your wish tonight." Phillip tells him.

"I know what my wish is already." Kaity pipes up from her bed.

"You do?" I ask her with a smile. "We'd better get started then."  Both
children climb out of their beds and move to sit on the window seat.  They
pull aside the curtains and gaze out at the just darkened night sky.

"Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight.  I wish I may, I wish I
might, have this wish I wish tonight." they chorus in unison before closing
their little eyes and saying a silent prayer to an unknown listener.  This
is something we've done every night since they were old enough to comprehend
it.  Our wishes on the stars are as much a part of our lives as anything
else.

Kaity and Darcy finish their wishing, and come back over to their beds.  I
tuck Darcy in first, kissing his dark little head.  "Goodnight Mr. Darcy
Michael Maxwell Evans."  I tell him teasingly.

"Goodnight Mrs. Momma Diane Annette Evans." he replies cheekily.  I mock
horror at his comment, but then giggle and kiss him again.  Phillip and I
both stand and change over.

I pull Kaity's blankets up closer, and make sure she has her doll within
easy reach.  "Night baby." I tell her as I kiss her cheek.

"Momma, what happened to your other little girl?" she asks me suddenly.  I
stare at her for a moment, and in her eyes I see what I have always feared I
would.  Questions, fears, queries.  She wants to know more.

"She was a very special little girl, all of my children were.  But someone
didn't like their specialness, and he wanted to hurt them.  So, one day,
they went away to make themselves safe." I finally tell her.  The
explanation lacks much information, but what do you expect me to tell a
4-year-old?  That her parents were on the run from a crazed, shape-shifting
killer; that they had inadvertently been hurt by the people they had trusted
the most; that I didn't know if I would ever see them again.  No, of course
not.  She wouldn't have understood that yet.

"Do you get sad?" she asks

"Yes, sometime.  I miss them all very much, but I have you, and Darcy, and
that helps.  You make me feel happy again."

Kaity sits up from her bed and hugs me tight.  "I love you Momma." she says,
thinking in her 4-year-old heart that the words can fix everything.  And in
a way, they do.

"I love you too Kaitlyn Theresa Isabel, with everything in my heart." I pull
away and she lies back down again.  "Now, it's time for sleep."  She nods
and I turn on the soft nightlight in between the two beds.  One of these
days, we will have to convince them to sleep in separate rooms.

I stand in the doorway for a moment after I turn of the main light, watching
them as they settle down to sleep. "Star light, star bright, first star I
see tonight.  I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight."
I whisper quietly into the room.  "Please bring my other babies back to me
someday.  I want them to see what wondrous little gifts they gave me."

I blink back a silent tear and turn away down the hallway.  I know that
someday I will know the fates of Max, Isabel, Tess and Michael.  Whether it
is a day when I realize I can no longer feel their souls shining at me from
the eyes of their children, or whether it is a day where they walk in the
front door, I don't know.  But I hope and pray that it is the latter.

I know that tonight when I go to bed I'll dream of the day they come back.
Dream of hugging them again, of kissing them again.  Dream of the day when I
can tell them again just how much I love them all.  Dream of giving them a
chance to see their children.  Dream of the day when I'll hear the familiar
call of "Mom, I'm home."  Dream of the day when my wishes will all come
true.

The End